INTERDIMENSIONAL SAFETY ADVISORY

RE: Proper Lightsaber Protocol in Non-Euclidean Office Spaces

FROM: Interdimensional Safety Squad & Workplace Energy Weapons Division
TO: All Force-Sensitive Personnel
DATE: November 28, 2024 (Primary Timeline)
PRIORITY: Higher Than Ground

NOTICE: Following recent incidents involving unauthorized lightsaber use near the quantum coffee machine, the Interdimensional Safety Squad is implementing new guidelines for energy weapon containment in non-Euclidean workspaces.

Reference incidents include:

The "Great Paper Cut of 2024" (involving a lightsaber letter opener)
Multiple cases of Force-pushed interdepartmental mail
One (1) attempt to heat lunch using a cross-guard saber
Seventeen (17) instances of dramatic cape-wearing in violation of dress code

SECTION 1: APPROVED LIGHTSABER ACTIVITIES

1.1 Acceptable Use Cases:

Opening stubborn packaging in the mail room
Emergency exit creation (with proper permits)
Sanctioned interdepartmental duels (see Form LD-66)
Toasting office party sandwiches (current heat setting only)

1.2 Prohibited Activities:

Cutting through space-time to reach meetings
Force-throwing office supplies
Using plasma blades near quantum computers
Dramatic entrances involving automatic doors

"A lightsaber is an elegant weapon for a more civilized age. Your open-plan office is neither." - Interdimensional Safety Squad

SECTION 2: SPATIAL CONSIDERATIONS

2.1 Minimum Clearance Requirements:

Standard Cubicle:	3 parsecs (properly measured)
Conference Room:	1 Death Star trench
Break Room:	2 Millennium Falcon cockpits
Near Quantum Devices:	∞ (all dimensions)

SECTION 3: EMERGENCY PROCEDURES

In case of accidental reality bifurcation:

Deactivate all energy weapons
Do NOT attempt to Force-heal the timeline
Contact the Interdimensional Safety Squad
File Form LS-911 ("Lightsaber-Induced Reality Breach")

SECTION 4: REQUIRED DOCUMENTATION

All lightsaber-carrying employees must maintain:

Current Force-users License (Class 3 or higher)
Kyber Crystal Registration Papers
Quantum Insurance Policy (with Dark Side coverage)
Signed copy of "So You Think You're a Jedi" training manual

SECTION 5: DRESS CODE AMENDMENTS

The following items are now prohibited:

Dramatic robes that violate OSHA guidelines
Sith eye contacts during client meetings
Void-black armor in non-void-compatible spaces
respirators that modify normal breathing patterns

REMINDER: "I find your lack of faith disturbing" is not an appropriate response to quarterly performance reviews.

APPENDIX A: APPROVED LIGHTSABER COLORS

Blue:	Upper Management Only
Green:	IT Department Standard Issue
Purple:	HR Representatives
Red:	Forbidden (except during fiscal year end)

This advisory has been approved by:

The Interdimensional Safety Squad
Department of Energy Weapon Compliance
That one Jedi from IT
Several Force ghosts from Legal

Note: If you're reading this advisory in Universe X-742, please disregard all references to lightsabers and replace them with "glowing cheese sticks." We still don't talk about that universe.